Today we clean the whole apartment and [hopefully] tie up the rest of the loose ends... some items have still managed to escape being boxed up and carted off to the thrift store or my parent's basement. Hopefully all will be completed today except the removal of our bed and of course packing the car with the things we're bringing and getting out of Dodge!!
We have this mondo list of cleaning to do... but it shouldn't be too bad. I hope.
I wish I would remember to take "before" pictures. Our house was absolute complete chaos. I do have this picture that Jamie took of me. I was beginning to lose my mind and found a happy place with lots of blankets, pillows, and wine.
That was yesterday. Today our house became nothing but stacks of boxes as far as the eye could see. HOW in the WORLD did we accumulate so much STUFF I ask you. HOW?? It's mortifying.
But it is all much more manageable. We sold a few more things, removed a lot of furniture, and even got some of the boxes of stuff out of the house and into the car ready to drive over to the hospice thrift shop in the morning after a jog. We have most of the rest of the big furniture leaving tomorrow as well! All that's left to do is pack up the rest of the kitchen and my art/craft stuff. We do have a few more boxes of things we've decided to store after all (we kept another box of sentimental stuff --my wine gadgets and Bowie wall clock were saved!-- and some kitchen stuff). So I fail at being a minimalist/following specific commands given by God (what else is new...) but at least when we move we will only need one of those little Uhaul trailers and not a whole truck! So that's something.
Today I received a package from my pen-friend The Snail Mailer. She sent me an awesome journal (it's mail-themed, woo!) and some notecards! Which is good because I'm out of notecards. Also I didn't have a journal-journal yet. I have a sketchbook, a commonplace book (and one to replace my current one since I only have a few pages left), a prayer journal, a travel log, this blog thing, and now a diary! Oh, I also keep mini-journals for my Peace Corps friend, Cate. So much for packing light. Hey, it all fits in my one designated crate! So what if that crate weighs more than my suitcase? It still takes up less space! ;) I am a serious papyrophiliac (everything sounds better in latin). I gave away all of my craft stuff without blinking an eye but I couldn't bring myself to toss my paper scraps... I'm actually storing them... apparently no one appreciates a good paper scrap like I do!
Still to-do:
Get rid of stuff
Get prescription refilled (need more inhalers for asthma)
Get Verizon plan switched (we will be sharing a cell phone)
Finish painting promised canvasses for the bookkeeping office at my old job
Finish storing stuff
Make that coloring book page for my mom's classes (may or may not get around to this)
Visit everyone we know like it's the last time we'll ever see them again
Clean the whole apartment/turn in the keys
Figure out how to eat with no appliances or kitchen stuff (our friends are taking good care of us so far)
See if we can fit everything in the car or not
Practice driving that stupid manual transmission vehicle we're taking
Try not to freak out about every little thing
It's really not that bad. We have 2 working days left. Then on Friday Jamie gives a talk, we have a wedding rehearsal, then a wedding the next day, then we leave on Sunday. Holy crap this is happening waaaaay too fast. Maybe it IS that bad... Well, we shall see. If I have to pack those canvasses with me and mail the finished work to the bookkeepers so be it. I hate leaving things unfinished.
We have a lot of stuff. Like, a disturbing amount of stuff. One of our friends was like "Where the heck did you put all this?" and I honestly couldn't tell her. Here I was thinking I was a high and mighty anti-consumerist and then all of my junk comes crawling out of hiding to taunt me.
So, we decided to sell it all and donate the proceeds rather than keep it to move across the country in a year. We did keep a few "extra" things (our rule for "extra" is this: if we aren't going to use it during this year of {vaga}bonding, it goes), which are tucked away in my parent's basement, happily being borrowed by friends and family, or in boxes designated for re-gifting. Despite this, we still didn't manage to keep enough stuff to win the approval of either of our mothers.
After sorting out what we wanted to keep, we piled everything in the living room & around the house, set up a donation jar, and opened it up to our friends and family for a free-for-all. Take a gander at our garbage:
Today people kept asking if this was hard for us. Jamie seems unfazed by all of it. I, on the other hand, am much more sentimental, and yesterday was difficult for me. I actually came to tears more than once over some things; mostly gifts, knick-knacks, items with a history but no real practical purpose (some of the stuff I hang on to I don't even like that much). It was like an episode of hoarders, except that I don't have a big enough problem to make it on TV. Jamie kept telling me this was all my idea and then I would sob some more. But I got it out of my system, and I woke up this morning mentally and emotionally prepared to see 90% of my belongings march out the door. I have been vastly disappointed. We sold a lot of stuff, but there's still a lot of stuff left, and our sale is only open another hour (it's been slow... as evidenced by my having plenty of time to blog).
I must interject with this clip. I love this movie, mostly because it has David Bowie in it, but also because of scenes like this:
"I HAVE TO SAVE TOBY!!" Classic. For those of you sad people unfamiliar with the film, Sarah (Jennifer Connelly) is on a mission to save her little brother from the Goblin King, Jareth (David Bowie). Jareth sets up traps along the way, and her comfortable little room in her home with all of her things is one of those traps to distract her from her goal to save Toby. Luckily she escapes this trap like all of the others and goes on to take over the Goblin City, meet the greatest challenge of all of turning down David Bowie (I mean, defeating Jareth), and have a happily ever after with her brother safely at home and all of her friends around her in a big muppet party. It's great.
I never want to have this many objects to worry about again in my life. I don't want to feel like I'm literally uprooting myself in order to relocate. I don't want to have to hem and haw about what is important enough to pack in a box, cart down the road or across the country, and unpack again. My roots should be based solely on the people around me, not because I don't want to have to pack up all my crap. And really it's not so much the inconvenience of moving that motivates me to remove all of this stuff from my life (although that is a strong factor), but the weight of it. Why do I feel a need to accumulate all of this stuff in the first place? All it does is keep me distracted and bogged down, like my computer when I was 10 and didn't know better, when I downloaded every little thing with hidden trojans and viruses entwining themselves in the poor machine's memory. I should mention that gifts are another animal entirely, and I need to continue to flesh out my thoughts on their place in all of this as well, but that is for another post.
This "Great Schlep" has been a long time coming. We still have enough stuff stored to fill Jamie's car three times over, but it's a start, and I intend to continue down this path if I can. I will save my rough history with minimalism for another post as well.
Anyway, even though we still have over half of our things to deal with (and I still don't feel that sense of freedom that those crazy minimalists are always talking about), we found homes for a lot of our things and our friends and family generously donated over $1200 for the homeless and poor in Paradise and Chico, and that is something. =)
So, I ran 3.1 miles last night without stopping to walk. WOO! And I did it in 36 minutes and 56 seconds. See? I'm number 18 out of 22... which means I wasn't last, which is another victory, haha. I'm done running 3.1 miles at a time... gonna stick to 2.5 then maybe move up again, because I thought I was going to die, and I was starting to think the race coordinators were playing a sick, sick joke when that damned finish line just would NOT show up on the horizon. Needless to say, I have some work to do. =P
In {Vaga}Bonding News, we have begun the serious work of schlepping our stuff. I spent the morning unpacking what we had stored in my parent's basement to make room for the stuff I actually want to keep (books mostly, some wedding stuff, and lots of letters & memorabilia from childhood and dating years), then Jamie & I spent a few hours gutting our bookshelves and some dark corners of the closet for things to stash away and things to sell off.
Here is what we're keeping (you can tell which ones I had qualms about keeping by the comments in parentheses):
a suitcase each of clothing (we are packing shoes, coats and toiletries in a separate bag)
DVDs, books, music (collector LPs, some CDs)
my sewing machine
my scrapbooking stuff (that stuff is expensive and I use it all the time, I'm not replacing it)
our computers (because we need that much computing power to watch netflix and surf the web)
some things from the wedding/memorabilia/scrapbooks/letters
Christmas/holiday decorations (Those ornaments have a lot of meaning to me... yes, even the dinosaur ones we got on a whim two years ago)
my rat cage (it's a beaut, and I want it full of fuzzy ratties again next year!!)
a box of art stuff
a bag of math stuff
a laptop/drawing tablet
an Asus tablet
some camping stuff
a car
Everything else must go!! It's a little nerve-wracking (I'm not looking forward to re-collecting my spices and wine gadgets) and sometimes like tearing off an enormous band-aid (no, not my David Bowie wall clock!! It is precious to me!) but I think it will be a relief once we have it all GONE.
I can't believe we will be outta here in like a week and a half! Not even! =D CRAZY! I'm super excited... also anxious that our pile of things to take care of is not ever going to get taken care of, but all we can do is try.
This weekend we are having a big sale to get rid of our extra stuff! We will be donating the proceeds. I'm also selling off a bunch of art, but we're keeping those proceeds. And we always accept donations in the form of gas cards, meals at restaurants, and other fun things that cost money. ;)
We spend the weekend in San Francisco mourning the loss of Jamie's grandfather, Angelo Markoulis. He was Greek and American through and through, fiercely proud of both of his countries. He passed on a rich love of their heritage to his family (have you seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"? It's not far from the Markoulis family, and I mean that in the best way, because I do love Greek food and traditions). ;) Angelo was a business and real estate tycoon (he established the American Industrial Center in 1975, which is still run by the family) and he was much admired for his hard working spirit and his many accomplishments.
His wake and funeral services were held in a beautiful Greek Orthodox church (the inside was lit by sunlight and covered with glass tile mosaics; it was breathtaking) and involved a lot of incense and chants in Greek. I was treated very much like one of the family, and was honored to be a part of the services as one of them. Angelo was 86 and is survived by his wife of 64 years, six children, thirteen grandchildren, seven great-grandchildren, and a brother.
As per Greek tradition, Jamie is choosing not to shave (he has a head start on that) and to wear a black armband to indicate that he is in mourning. We are hoping to visit his yai yai (Greek for "grandma," pronounced yah-yah) in October while we are in the Bay Area, and to send her letters and phone calls. I can only imagine what it must be like to lose a spouse of 64 years.
I have been to more weddings than I can remember but this was my first funeral... Parents, take your children to funerals. It's good to be reminded that we're mortal, that we can't afford not to enjoy one moment at a time. With a steady diet of weddings you forget that all things end. It's good practice for the inevitable, for the full scope of the human experience on this earth.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. --Romans 12:15
It still feels like it's just the weekend. My unemployed status hasn't really sunk in. Plus I'm stressing myself out with all the stuff I think I have to do. One thing I did accomplish was pre-packing my suitcase! What an adventure!
All of my clothing as of this morning, before the Great Schlep:
Holy Sweatshops, Batman!
And after:
Look! It all fits into my awesome purple suitcase! We are packing shoes and toiletries separately. Also I would like to brag that the clothing in that one purple suitcase are for all seasons (I should say, all California seasons...)
I didn't get a before pic of my closet, but I've gotten rid of like 2/3 of my clothing in the last few weeks, so just picture that.
What remains of my dress/coat collection and my scarf/belt collection.
Undergarments not shown... ;) but they were culled as well.
One major thing I've cut (even though I chopped the number of clothing items in my closet by half, I still have something for almost any occasion) is makeup. I've decided for a number of reasons to go without:
I need to replace my mascara and I'm too lazy to go buy it. And without mascara, what's the point of everything else?
I HATE HATE HATE marketing ploys for makeup. Even the eco-friendly "alternative" cosmetic companies have taglines that read "We aren't trying to change the way you look... just the way you see yourself." BALONEY. I don't like that I have to paint my face to feel beautiful. That's baloney.
The eco-friendly alternative companies are WAAAAY expensive. I will never pay $20 for a bottle of mascara. And I will never buy into the scam that you need to replace that mascara every few months. I call baloney on that one as well.
So now I'm shorn and makeupless, with far fewer options to dress myself with. At least I'm still wearing girl clothes. I am truly blessed to have a man who lets me throw out my makeup and cut off all of my hair (he does draw the line at ponchos, sadly).
Well, I feel as though I've ranted against the machine enough for one day! In the coming week I'll be packing away some sentimental crap that no one really wants (it's for posterity!) and selecting a few things that I'll need borrowers for, and deciding what to actually pack with me in the car.
In Luke Chapter 12, Jesus tells a crowd a story about a Rich Fool. This fool finds himself with abundant wealth and decides to build bigger and better barns to store it all, and then God shows up and says "You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?" After telling this story, Jesus goes on about how we shouldn't worry about what we will eat, what we should wear, because God has always provided for the birds and lilies, so do we really not have faith that he will provide what is sufficient for us?
One big fear these days (at least for me) is simply being caught unprepared... when deciding what to pack for our upcoming adventure I do have to consider living in New Hampshire in November, driving through Colorado in December, doing housework, yardwork and even farm labor around the country, AND what if we get to go out to dinner? What am I going to wear then?? And what about when we are ready to move to our new home? What if I don't have any furniture? What if I have nothing to decorate my new apartment with?
The original plan (which still is the plan... which I'm still in turmoil over) is to sell everything and give to the poor. But does He (the all-powerful Lord of the Universe, I might add) really mean "everything"? Does he really want me to let go of all the things I received just two years ago as wedding gifts?! I mean, how ungrateful of me! How rude! Sure, most people just bought something within their budget off our Target Registry, but some actually did spend time and energy picking out things we really would love (which we really do love). Our house is FULL of robots. We had a robot-themed wedding, and now I think we are doomed to receive robot-themed tchochkes at every major holiday for the rest of our lives. Which is ok with me. I love robots. And I love art. And robot-art is the stuff that not only has real monetary value, but sentimental value as well, and we have a lot of it. Do we schlep those off with the rest? Does He really want me to give up my David Bowie record wall clock? These are GIFTS that people picked out for me! I don't want to hurt their feelings, and I do love the gifts themselves of course... And what about our books and DVDs?? And our computers? I know we will use those things when we are finished with this adventure... isn't it irresponsible to sell them only to buy them back again? That's a terrible waste of resources! (Gasp... He doesn't mean NOT buy them back, does He?!)
I know that the things themselves are not evil. My attachment to them is. And if I don't prove by my actions that I am not attached, I'm like an addict who swears they can quit anytime. Nobody will believe me. I hem and haw and always chicken out at the last second when push comes to shove. And I think it IS foolishness also to get rid of everything down to the clothes on your back without a clear reason to do it... or is it? Is that faith? Or stupidity? They look the same without the rest of the story.
This is something I have struggled with for years. I often cite the story of Jesus' encounter of the Rich Young Ruler, who Jesus told to sell everything, give to the poor, and follow Him. I am always talked out of it, mostly with the explanation (excuse?) that Jesus was talking to a specific person in a specific point in time... but this is NOT the only time Jesus asks us to give up EVERYTHING, and not the only time in the Bible that the rich are called fools and the poor exalted and cared for by God.
Most of Jesus' commands, if followed literally, seem like really really stupid ideas. Turn the other cheek (what about justice?) Love your enemies (the ones who humiliate you day after day?) Make sure that no one you know has to go without food, shelter, and love (but I can barely take care of my own family!) Take care of orphans and widows (see last objection...) Be like Jesus (who was hated, humiliated, tortured, and brutally murdered). What human being with a lick of common sense would do any of these things? Following Christ makes absolutely zero sense to the world.
60-70 more years of relying on God to provide for the sake of serving others now seems like a miserably long time and a terrible retirement plan. But, what is a lifetime of having "nothing" compared to an eternity of real treasure, what Bonhoeffer calls "the extraordinary", spent with the God who created me and made my purpose to serve Him, the King of kings, the Great I AM? So why do I hesitate?
Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. --Luke Chapter 12 Verses 32-34
Bonus Post! September is when I start thinking about Christmas gifts, and I've already mentioned some of conundrums about this year's Christmas in my last post, namely the fact that we will have very little money to spend on gifts. I think this is a blessing. One of my heroes, Saint Clive, explains my ilk with Christmas gift-giving perfectly, so I will let him be the one to say it:
Three things go by the name of Christmas. One is a religious festival. This is important and obligatory for Christians; but as it can be of no interest to anyone else, I shall naturally say no more about it here. The second (it has complex historical connections with the first, but we needn't go into them) is a popular holiday, an occasion for merry-making and hospitality. If it were my business to have a 'view' on this, I should say that I much approve of merry-making. But what I approve of much more is everybody minding his own business. I see no reason why I should volunteer views as to how other people should spend their own money in their own leisure among their own friends. It is highly probable that they want my advice on such matters as little as I want theirs. But the third thing called Christmas is unfortunately everyone's business.
I mean of course the commercial racket. The interchange of presents was a very small ingredient in the older English festivity. Mr. Pickwick took a cod with him to Dingley Dell; the reformed Scrooge ordered a turkey for his clerk; lovers sent love gifts; toys and fruit were given to children. But the idea that not only all friends but even all acquaintances should give one another presents, or at least send one another cards, is quite modern and has been forced upon us by the shopkeepers. - C.S. Lewis from “What Christmas Means to Me” in God in the Dock. Read more of the essay and some bonus ideas on the Narnia Santa Clause here.
...which long-term can and often does create some form of entitlement in all of us (I haven't decided if Jimmy Kimmel is a genius or a monster):
The purpose of gift-giving is to show a person that you love and appreciate them. The Christmas season is rarely marked by love and appreciation (try stress and exhaustion). Later in the essay, Lewis makes the point that we are basically duped into thinking that we MUST buy things to help the shopkeepers. True, many local businesses benefit greatly from the societal pressures to buy more and better things for every person on our list (which grows longer every year) on an annual basis. But does the consumer actually benefit from all of their consumption? Do those receiving the multitudes of gifts we give actually benefit from them? Or does it all just become "noise, noise, noise, noise, NOISE" (to quote one Mr. Grinch... he has a point). Does an ipad or the biggest, best Lego set mean we love the person we are giving them to?
I find the Christmas Craze negates the entire purpose of gift-giving. We don't actually have the time to spend thoughtfully choosing a gift for every person on our list, so why scramble to buy them all something? So they can have yet another knick-knack or plastic toy or piece of clutter in their homes? Yes, you thought of them, but only long enough to relieve your own guilt. This is not gift-giving. This is a bizarre, wasteful, and counter-productive construct of society that obligates people to go into debt just to feel better about themselves. It ceases to become about the people we give gifts to. We must out-do ourselves every year, blow them away with our "thoughtfulness" and "generosity," and all the while we are all accumulating more and more STUFF we really don't need. Not only that, but we are then given the luxury of ungratefulness, which many of us take, even though we're just better at hiding it than children are.
(You will learn that I am a cynical person. And a hypocrite. I'm working on that.)
This year, Jamie and I are giving everyone the gift of non-obligation... please, for the love of Pete, do not give us stuff, especially this year because we will be living out of a suitcase, but after that too. We don't want you to buy stuff for us because you feel like you have to. The spontaneous, "oh, Jamie & Ciara would like that robot thing" does make us feel nice, but just send us a picture of it and say: "thought of you!" and it will have the same effect without you having to spend money and us having to move the stuff we already have around to make space for it. Better yet, just have us over for dinner. We love food and company.
As far as us giving you gifts, we are taking a leaf from Lewis' book and perhaps only giving gifts to children (I think I heard that anecdote about his seemingly stingy Christmas-gift-policy in the Great Courses series on his life & works). I say "perhaps" because it could easily be argued that children are the ones who can least use the "gifts" we choose to give them (see above video).
I think I will miss wrapping boxes in pretty paper (I take gift-wrapping very seriously... it is an art). And I do love to pick out gifts for people. But I won't miss going shopping every weekend and spending too much money (and more of it every year) and hoping I get good reactions to the gifts I've picked for people (I hate that I do this, because then it ceases to be a gift when I expect even a good reaction in return) and adding to the excessive consumption that is so contrary to the whole reason we celebrate Christmas... which brings me to this quote from my other hero, Dietrich Bonhoeffer:
For the great and powerful of this world, there are only two places in which their courage fails them, of which they are afraid deep down in their souls, from which they shy away. These are the manger and the cross of Jesus Christ. No powerful person dares to approach the manger, and this even includes King Herod. For this is where thrones shake, the mighty fall, the prominent perish, because God is with the lowly. Here the rich come to nothing, because God is with the poor and hungry, but the rich and satisfied he sends away empty. Before Mary, the maid, before the manger of Christ, before God in lowliness, the powerful come to naught; they have no right, no hope; they are judged. - From God Is In the Manger: Reflections on Advent and Christmas, inflection in bold mine.
I am 5 days from being unemployed and 21 days from being homeless. And I am thrilled.
Jamie came home early (a welcome surprise to me!) yesterday from his little excursion around the country with his friends George and Greg... he was gone for two weeks, which is the longest we’ve been apart as married people. I accomplished absolutely nothing the entire time he was gone, except for maintaining a spotlessly clean apartment with minimal effort (I suspect this has something to do with an absent husband), and spending lots of time with friends and family, with the primary purpose of staving off the misery of missing Jamie, and the secondary purpose of trying to see as many people as I can before we depart! Oh, and I guess because I like to hang out with them, too.
Still on the to-do list (the one I neglected):
Get a tablet (still hemming and hawing... we’re cheapskates who don’t like to buy into the machine, but we think we may have legitimate uses for one)
Update Passports (mine still say “Montoya” on them)
Cancel PG&E (WOOO!)
Change Verizon Plan (do we keep one cell phone or ditch both?)
Sell/find homes for all of our crap
Learn to drive stick shift (blah)
Change mailing address (to my parent’s house)
Clean the car
Pack
Leave
Some of these things can’t happen yet. But I am an avid list-maker. So I made a list.
I also have this crazy idea that when I quit I’ll be able to make everyone’s Christmas gifts before we leave. But I don’t think that will happen. I’m expecting some down-time when we house-sit and I’m bringing my sewing machine and art stuff with me so I can get those done. Being unemployed means we have to actually spend some time and energy on presents this year, because we will be poor. =D
Last year my “homemade” gifts ended up costing as much as regular store-bought gifts once all the supplies added up... this year I may end up making my favorite dress into a handbag just to give something to someone. It’ll be like the Gift of the Magi. We have considered not doing presents at all. But presents are a good thing. Within reason. Just so everybody is clear, we usually appreciate time spent with you more than getting to unwrap something (though I do love wrapping paper). So cross us off your Christmas shopping list, please, and just invite us to dinner instead!
We are starting to make more concrete plans for our journey! For instance, we know for sure that we will be leaving in the morning on Sunday the 30th of September! Which reminds me, I have qualms about travelling on Sundays... Because I’m really bad at Sabbath-keeping, and the act of travelling is rarely described as “restful.” Vacationing, sure, but not actually getting from place to place. At least, not for me. I do love roadtrips, but I’m exhausted at the end of a full day of driving. So maybe we can try to work around that. But I haven’t talked to Jamie about it. So we will see.
Another habit I want to keep up is running... I’m a day away from completing Week 7 of Couch to 5K, which means I can run 2 and a half miles, which is crazy, because if you know me at all you know that my relationship with running is fraught with a history of deep-rooted hatred. But I can now run over 20 minutes straight without stopping! I’m really slow at it, but I can do it. Jamie is a runner (but he’s like, good at it. He did a half marathon last November). So hosts, expect to have us creeping out of the house in neon shirts and running shoes in the early hours of the morning a few times a week.
Another habit I have is breakfast. I eat 2 poached eggs and a piece of whole-wheat toast and Greek yogurt with honey basically every day. I don’t expect you to cater to my food habits. I’m just warning you that you might find your refrigerator full of eggs and yogurt soon after our arrival.
Now I’m just rambling. I apologize. I'm also really hungry. Maybe in my next post I will actually have something useful to share.
